Friday, May 25, 2012

Perspective for the Storm

When we've been hurt by something, it totally alters our perspective. Open up a psychology book and it will tell you that your brain operates to facilitate this; our memory filter is directly linked to our emotions, therefore when we are angry our mind pulls from the memories linked to that emotion and when we are elated our mind pulls memories from the happy folder. But hope, faith, confidence and trust go against the flow; they are the salmon in the rivers of our minds, they push against the currents. It is as if these salmon push through the rivers of our minds to get to that place where they, and only they, can unlock the folders and the cabinents of memories that can correct the flow.

I remember in Thailand I was so overwhelmed with the weight and the heaviness of being surrounded by such darkness that I couldn't imagine being there another day, much less the remainder of our outreach and it was unfathomable to ever imagine coming back to that place; I could've left Thailand and never looked that time. After I came home and I was able to process through all of my feelings and experiences, I was able to shift the flow of emotions that was inhibiting my perspective. Once I had perspective, I gained so much hope, faith, confidence and trust...all the things that I lacked while I was there, and I was able to look at Thailand and say with a pure heart that I would do it again.

Living overseas is hard and it has brought on a lot of pain and hurt at times, but the challenge I am facing now is to fight the flow and keep sending salmon of hope, faith, confidence, and trust to push against the currents of my mind and emotions. A part of me, would like to stop fighting for some things; to stop fighting for a life overseas, to stop pushing down desires for a home and a family, and to let comfort be my compass. I need to be reminded, I need some time home to once again process and regain a healthy and healed perspective and that's exactly what God's giving me.

I don't know where you're at, but I encourage you that behind every storm cloud is a blue sky. I've often wondered why people live in places like Kansas that are damned with violent twisters and tornados; but it's their home and why let 1 season totally distort your scope of the beauty you know surpasses any storm? Don't loose sight of the beauty just because of the storm.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Back in January I made a decision to quit and leave the base here in Adelaide, but it felt far too much like quitting and that feeling gave way to other doubts. So I took a day, went to Port Adelaide, and spent the day in prayer hoping to leave with my answer of whether I should stay or go. I didn't get my answer that day, in fact I left that place more confused than when I came. God gave me 2 physical pictures that made no sense to me, at the time, until He gave me the interpretation about 2 weeks ago.

The first picture happened while I was at a coffee shop there in Port. I had been there for some time journaling, praying, and reading the Bible. I went to go take one of the last sips of my coffee when I felt the Lord say, "Leave it there. It's not yours to finish." I thought to myself, "I paid for that drink. I'm gonna finish it." But as I lifted the glass to my lips I felt a stern "No!" in my spirit. So I put the glass down and left the coffee shop with an unfinished coffee still on the table. Confused.

After that I walked around Port for a bit and then felt that I should go to the lighthouse to wait for my answer from God. I waited...and waited...I think I stayed at that lighthouse for around 4 hours and...nothing. I wanted to stay until I got what I came for, but it was getting late and Port Adelaide is not the safest place to be after dark so I left feeling defeated without an answer.

I journaled the 2 down in hopes that God would bring clarity and He did...4 months later. April 25 I woke up and in my time with God I journaled, "I'm going to praise you as if I've already found the lighthouse." and my mind flashed back to that day in Port; I had forgotten about it. Later that day God told me that my time in Adelaide was over and that it's not mine to go to London.

Just like the coffee, London is not mine to finish. And just like the lighthouse, I could stay and push for pride's sake but it's just not wise and, despite my determination, I know what I need to do. I may want to finish what I think I've paid for with sacrifice and time, but God's drawn a different line in the sand marking where I finish and it's coming up soon. On June 12th my time with YWAM Southlands Adelaide will come to a close.

In January I was quitting, but this time around God's told me when to finish and when that plane lifts off the ground I will have finished.

Thank you for your support...but I'm not done yet.