Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Home Again

Being home has been such a blessing. I'm torn between whether my feelings are mostly affected by culture shock, honeymoon phase, and/or just the sheer joy of being home. Whatever the case may be, I'm loving being back.

The only hard part about being home is myself. Before I left Australia God told me that He wasn't going to give me any answers about what was next until I rested. He knows me all too well because if I did know what was next, I'd already be working on it. And so the month of July is my Sabbatical, after which I'll get a job, begin volunteering, and begin working on what's next.

It has done nothing but suprise and shock me how hard resting has proven to be. Within the first week back in the States I had already found a project and found myself working anxiously away when God convicted me about what I was doing and urged me to stop. You would laugh if you saw how hard it was for me to stop working to watch a comedy; I'm sure I looked slightly constapated. I've turned out to be a modern day Martha who made herself busy doing what she thought she ought to be doing while Mary was peacefully occupied being where she was meant to be. As I watched that comedy and wrestled my anxious mind to a standstill, God showed me that He loves me just as much when I'm working hard for Him as He does when I'm relaxing and laughing; what He cares about is whether I'm doing so obediently. This has shown itself to be a harder concept for my mind and my will to grasp, but my heart feels its power.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for He gives to His beloved rest." - Psalm 127:1-2